from my diary..

Tuesday
November 10,2009

Everyday, I always wonder why i love him so much. I really don't know the reason. I really don't know why. I don't want to love him anymore but something pushes me to love him. Everytime i see him smile, everytime he crack jokes, everytime he teases me, I hate it but i love it.. T_T

I always wait for him to say
"I LOVE YOU" but i am tired. I want to move on. I want to have my own life w/o him or maybe w/o treating him special. ILOVEHIM..




I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Bye DAD..

December 26, 2009 morning..

i was asked to do bathe my dad and i did not know that it'll be his last...


I never thought of losing my dad even though he's already sick..
I never thought of losing the person once build me as good person..
I never thought of having a great father like him..

Dad, my dad is the best man in my whole life, even though he never heard that coming from me, i always made him feel that he is. I love my dad so much.

i know he won't read this anymore but for those people who still had their fathers with them guys, I'm telling you always make them feel how much you love them.

I can still clearly remember when father was still strong, he used to carry me when i want to after eating at Jollibee and after his work he won't forget to bring me some ice cream. I love to eat ice cream coming from him. I remember that moment, he forgot to bought me an ice cream because it was already late at night but still i waited for him because i really wanted to eat some ice cream, he gave me a cup but the content wasn't an ice cream but salt. he and mom kept on laughing when they saw me so upset and he promised me that he will buy me some the next morning.

i can also remember how i played my girly stuffs with my dad. I'm the beauty expert and he's my model. HAHA!! imagine how a strong cop will turn into a beauty queen? my dad was really mad that time but my mom kept on laughing when she saw him like that so he let me do it.

i remember every time he brought me infront of the headquarters where he worked, there's a sari-sari store and he let me eat what i want and when came back he'll pay for everything i ate.

but that strong man will never always be strong. he started having stroke due to plenty of sufferings and problems. Until one day he started being partially dependent to us. we took care of him until Dec. 26, 2009 came.

when i am giving him a bathe i never thought of him taking off his ring that he never ever took off since he had it. so i ignored it, afternoon my mom i asked me not to leave my dad alone in the our room but i did not listen.
i still seat infront of this laptop.

late afternoon i left home, i left my mom, my dad and our housekeeper alone. my cousins weren't at home that time, they were at cabanatuan far from here at valenzuela. after i finished doing my worship service and before i went to the church our housekeeper called me saying, "Erikah! Erikah! umuwi ka na dito, EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" so i run as fast as i could but i get tired and remained calm so i called them back to ask what was really happening that time, and also to instruct what to do but i heard my mom screaming so i rushed back home.

when i came i saw my dad lying on the bed and my mom was hugging him and screaming my dad's name. I let my mom moved back and assess if dad still has his pulse. positive, he still has it but he don't have his respiration so i did some respiratory resuscitation to him but he's not responding so i did CPR or cardiopulmonary resuscitation to him until we got to the hospital.

they started putting some apparatuses to my dad, introducing medications, doing CPR and then they stopped for 20min. while they were doing those things to him, i kept on praying and ask for prayers from my friends. after 20min. the doctors again started doing CPR to him.

8:41pm my father was declared dead.


and that was the saddest moment i ever had in my entire life.. losing my dad..

I LOVE YOU DAD..

I MISS YOU..